The Doctor, Actually?
by ceg99
Summary: What will happen when the Doctor crashes at Hogwarts and is mistaken for an actual doctor? Set during Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and after Amy and Rory but before Clara.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, whoever would click on this fic. So this is my first fan fiction ever, just saying, and don't kill me if you don't like it.**

"Meepsicles!" yelled the doctor as his Tardis shuddered and shook. He stopped, and reprimanded himself. "What? Since when have I said that?!" Sparks flew, and the Doctor was thrown off his feet. "Aah! Meepsicles!"

There was a final sounding BOOM, and the Tardis stopped. The Doctor lurched unsteadily to his feet, and stumbled towards the scanner. He swung it around to face him, and his eyes widened. No. Way. He ran to the doors and threw them open, staring at the spectacle that greeted him. "Um, hello. I'm the Doctor." He straightened his bow-tie.

* * *

Lavender Brown was on her way down to the boathouse. It was a typically cold November day, and frost was huddled around the very edges of the Black Lake, giving it a ghost-like, pearly appearance. The long, winding set of stairs that led to her destination was slippery with the first hints of ice, forcing Lavender to slow down, or slip down. She thought about it. Slipping all the way down the two-hundred stairs to the boathouse would not be a good thing, especially since she'd probably just go flying into the cold lake at the end.

Lavender could see Parvati waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, holding a basket. The two second years had previously agreed to meet here for lunch, and the basket probably contained said lunch. Lavender raised her arm in greeting, and Parvati waved back as Lavender reached the halfway point and stopped for breath. As she straightened up, she took a moment to look at the landscape. The view from here, even only half as high as the castle, was stunning. The Black Lake stretched far out to the horizon, bordered on both sides by coniferous pine forests. You could just see Hogsmeade and the train station in the distance, but closer by stood Hagrid's small hut, puffing smoke from the chimney. The sky was steely grey, a sure sign of rain, sleet or snow later. It was that time of the year when you just couldn't tell which. Lavender frowned. In the sky she could just make out a blue rectangle, getting larger every moment.

She yelled to Parvati and pointed at the box, "What's that?" Parvati shrugged. Lavender resumed walking. She soon reached the bottom and she and Parvati headed inside. It was very peaceful in the boathouse. One rowboat floated gently in the hole in the floor, and the water lapped at it peacefully. It was also slightly warmer than outside.

"Ok," Parvati sat down on a bench. "Let's get this picnic going." She pulled out a sandwich, then BOOM. The roof collapsed, and a blue wooden box dropped to the rock floor. Lavender struggled to her knees from where she'd been thrown to one corner of the room. Parvati hadn't been so lucky. She shivered as she hauled herself, dripping wet, out of the water and into the rowboat with a wet thud. The door to the blue box creaked open, and a man in a tweed jacket, suspenders and bow-tie stepped out. He stared at the wreckage of the boathouse, and at Lavender in one corner. "Um, hello. I'm the Doctor." He straightened his ridiculous looking bow-tie.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is chapter 2... obviously.**

Dumbledore paced concernedly around his office, thinking of events that had taken place in the days gone by. First, Mr. Filch's cat petrified, then that writing on the wall, and now, this man. For now, he was safely locked away in Professor Flitwick's office, where he could bring no harm to either himself or others.

Dumbledore sighed and thought back. Just this morning, he had been pacing around his office (as he usually was) when he had heard a strange noise. He had hurried to the closest accessible window and peered out. It took him no time at all to spot the source, the boathouse. Dumbledore had hurriedly apparated there(being the headmaster, he had privileges) only to find a blue box, a man in a bow tie, Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil standing in a mass of splintered wood. After some interrogation and hurried explanations, the man had been stunned and restrained, and Lavender and Parvati sent to the hospital wing to be looked after by Madam Pomfrey. The Blue Box itself was currently in Minerva's care, being swept for hostile magic.

The unfathomably old man(as Dumbledore liked to think of himself) swept languidly down his gargoyle staircase, on his way to see the bowtie-wearing man and get himself some real answers once and for all.

* * *

What kind of a person locks you up without searching your pockets first?

The Doctor contemplated his captors' evident idiocy as he slipped his sonic screwdriver from the bigger-on-the-inside pockets of his tweed jacket and unceremoniously made his way to the door. He carefully pressed the button on the side, and the screwdriver whirred. The door's locks clicked open, and the Doctor walked out carefully, looking either way up the corridor that he was led to. He chose to go right, and eventually came upon a sweeping set of stairs in a rectangular shaped chamber. It was too large to call a room, and the Doctor thought it must provide the floor access for almost every room in this vast castle he was being kept in(he'd seen it briefly when he was being rather roughly escorted to his prison).

"Meepsicles!" the Doctor yelled rather loudly and entirely unintentionally as the staircase beneath his feet jolted and began to swing around. He ran down and stumbled off at the bottom, gasping and shell-shocked. "How in the world..." He soniced it deftly, "No sign of any mechanics, but how could it move?" The Doctor examined the readings on his screwdriver again. "Just a plain old staircase, nothing special- Yowza!" he exclaimed, "That energy signature, I've never seen anything like it!"

"I've never seen a wand like that before..."

The Doctor swung around. He was sure that the voice had sounded from right behind him, yet there was nothing there but the wall and the paintings on it.

"Well? Explain yourself!"

The Doctor could have sworn that the voice had come from the portrait on the wall, but he knew better. He shook his head dismissively and hurried on his way down the stairs, looking for an exit. He entered a huge hall at the bottom with (strangely enough) four giant hourglasses with sand in four different colours inside. The colours were as follows: Red, green, yellow and blue. And set grandly into the wall at the halfway point between the hourglasses was... "A door!" The Doctor whispered to himself excitedly. He hurried over to it, and pointed his screwdriver at the lock. He frowned and tried again. The Doctor almost moaned aloud.

The door was made of wood.

**Ok I'm sorry about my last chapter, putting it onto the website destroyed all my carefully structured paragraphs and chapter breaks. I don't know how to fix it, but at least I can make this chapter a bit better. I'll try harder in future! :)**


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